Wednesday, August 12, 2009

.: About The Host


Capricorn... and my name is Johnny.

I love an athletic woman. Preferably a woman more educated than myself, with small symmetrical pedicured feet and an ass that says "Who da fuck is JLo?" A woman who enjoys a little kink... okay... a lot of kink. She's into "the bizarre" has an appreciation for buffoonery as well as sharing my affinity for the absurd.

I love just sitting on the deck at the beach house, washing down a few fentanyls with an ice cold Dr Pepper and numbingly strumming some VU , while watching my greased up lady frying in the midday sun.

I'm into making nuns blush and teaching my young nieces and nephews how to play poker... with their allowance.

I enjoy the sound of RoJo on the stereo, the feel of an ACME pen in my hand, a freshly dry cleaned Nat Nast shirt on my back and the way the supple glove leather of my chair feels against my freshly shaved testicles when I'm air-drying after a shower.

In the morning when I first wake up, I like to lay in bed for awhile just savoring the sweet stale mingled aroma of sweaty sex, wine, weed and her perfume, but not for too long because it's morning and I really, really need to pee.

I firmly believe that most beautiful moments in life, not involving lubricants or dungeon equipment, are compliments of Mother Nature. Moments like being on the beach at sunset, barefoot in the sand hearing nothing but the wind, the gulls and that rhythmic pounding of the surf while walking hand in hand with that special lady you're preparing to defile. Beautiful moments like... the sight of a roach flopping wildly onto it's back after being expertly spritzed. Oooh yeah.

I consider myself truly blessed that my sweet Melistress is such a good sport. After losing the "Stepford Bet" and having to do "ANYTHING I wanted," she forgave me for having her seductively rub canned dog food all over her bikini clad body and dance her lovely ass off while I played a boogie on my Strat and turned the pups* loose on her during the bridge.

It's moments like "Ken-L-Ration Boogie" that truly make life worth living!

The only thing that makes me feel more alive than reading the obituaries is sitting in the front yard with Melissa's hair drying and pointing it at passing cars.

I'm a widower who lost my wife when we were 28. I have 2 amazing children, Ry and Hurricane K (boy & girl, 18 mos. apart) and after their mom died they got stuck with the job of raising me. I Met my girlfriend/best friend Melistress/Miss Anthropic when the kids were in high school. We got hitched in Vegas, but she prefers to be called my girlfriend (men take their wives for granted).

Made my bones as a restaurateur, real-estate developer and was able to retire a few years ago. My retirement didn't go to well, so Melistress and I moved back so she could go back to work as an ER nurse. She works in one of the countries busiest ERs and LOVES the action. I volunteered to work for a charitable non-profit and it's turned into a full-time job.

I love my new job almost as much as I love ellipses... regardless of how they're supposed to be used... and, I'm really, really, into comas. I use them, all the time. I also have a large collection of orange traffic cones and have become very good at rerouting traffic.

Okay, enough about my sorry ass. Let's talk about the reason you're reading this drivel. This lame excuse for a blog. I’m calling it "Sono Annoiato" which is Italian, or as Miss likes to say, "Dagoese" for I am bored. The description "ad absurdum" is Latin for To the point of absurdity.

I started this blog because my therapist promised me it would quiet the voices and because I was bored and needed a place to dump my favorite links. If you've mistakenly found me here, you’ll find music, art, general weirdness, spasmodic naughtiness, occasional political pontifications (I'm a Libertarian) and other crap that interests me. If you're bored perhaps you'll find something on my blogroll that interests you.